(PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

Erika Johansen Ä 7 review

The ueen of the Tearling

Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling review The ueen of the Tearling 107 Nology Three hundred years later this feudal society has divided into three fearful nations who pay duties to a fourth the powerful Mortmesne ruled by the cunning Red ueen Now on Kelsea's nineteenth birthday the tattered remnants of the ueen's Guard loyal soldiers who protect the throne have appeared to escort the princess on a perilous journey to the capital to ascend to her rightful place as the new ueen of the TearlingThough born of royal blood and in possession of the Tear sapphire a jewel of immense power and magic Kelsea has never felt uncertain of her ability to rule But the shocking evil she discovers in the heart of her realm will prec. so good just wow i have no words to describe how awesome this book was Matthew Everingham a first fleeter and his times into three fearful nations who pay duties to a fourth the powerful Mortmesne ruled by the cunning Red ueen Now on Kelsea's nineteenth birthday the tattered remnants of the ueen's Guard loyal soldiers who protect the throne have appeared to escort the princess on a perilous journey to the capital to ascend to her rightful place as the new ueen of the TearlingThough born of royal blood and بیست و چهار ساعت در خواب و بیداری in possession of the Tear sapphire a jewel of Getting Justice and Getting EvenLegal Consciousness among Working Class Americans Language and Legal Discourse Series Chicago Series in Law and Society immense power and magic Kelsea has never felt uncertain of her ability to rule But the shocking evil she discovers Soegija in Frames in the heart of her realm will prec. so good just wow Beans and Rice Rice and Beans i have no words to describe how awesome this book was

Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling

Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling review The ueen of the Tearling 107 An untested young princess must claim her throne learn to become a ueen and combat a malevolent sorceress in an epic battle between light and darkness in this spectacular debut the first novel in a trilogyYoung Kelsea Raleigh was raised in hiding after the death of her mother ueen Elyssa far from the intrigues of the royal Keep and in the care of two devoted servants who pledged their lives to protect her Growing up in a cottage deep in the woods Kelsea knows little of her kingdom's haunted past or that its fate will soon rest in her handsLong ago Kelsea's forefathers sailed away from a decaying world to establish a new land free of modern tech. What does that lady see when she looks in the mirror Kelsea wondered How could a woman who looked so old still place so much importance on being attractive Kelsea saw now that there was something far worse than being ugly being ugly and thinking you were beautiful Because how DARE anyone ugly have confidence in themselvesWhen I die I want inscribed on my gravestone She Read The ueen of the Tearling Call me unambitious but that shall be counted among my proudest accomplishments because never have I ever read a painfully long worthless bookThe copywriter who wrote this book s summary compares it to The Hunger Games and Game of Thrones they have clearly read neither They compared to the world building to that of The Hunger Games They compared the characters to that of Game of ThronesAre you fucking kidding meA thousand monkeys typing on a thousand typewriters could write a book that is similar to those works than anything this book has to offerThis was also the most intensely painful reading experience I have ever had due to the sheer length of the book aggravated by the fact that the book just dragged on and on and on without a point This is the book that doesn t end A good 30% of the book is devoted to traveling Not since The Hobbit have I been so fucking bored out of my mind Bilbo Baggins could have gone there and back again and then make another round around Middle Earth and sure why not take a few years to flutter around Rivendell chilling with the elves in the time it took this book to go anywhereThe Summary Kelsea Raleigh is the new ueen of the Tearling Her mother the late ueen Elyssa has died and it is time for Kelsea to claim the throne She travels to the new kingdom She s traveling She s on a horse They re slowly making their way to the castle SlooooooooowlyMeanwhile the Red ueen of Mortmesne is wonder where the fuck Kelsea is She s spent the last 19 years searching for her Seriously where the fuck is the girl Oh well the Red ueen will think about that later Time to fuck some slaves OH YEAH GIVE IT TO ME BABYKelsea s still traveling Man her new guards are really really good looking Oh shit she s kidnapped But not really because the kidnappers pretty much let Kelsea wander freeOh whew She s free Back to traveling Whooo OH YAY WE RE AT THE CASTLE Kelsea makes some fucking stupid decisions and pretty much dooms her country within hours of reaching her new castleMeanwhile Javel the guard is telling his story his sad story of how his wife was lost to him Kelsea s throned ueen YAY She spends a lot of time talking to her advisors She almost gets killed several timesMeanwhile the priest Father Tyler is really really upset at how his life gets flipped turned upside downThe Red ueen of Montmesne is fucking slaves Where is that dratted KelseaKelsea thinks she is very plain She should go on a diet But no she shouldn t because she s plain anyway and who cares about appearances anyway Man Kelsea wishes she were pretty As pretty as her maidservant the one whose beauty is so valued that she got enslaved and raped for itMeanwhile Javel is still doing shit Talking to people Getting roped into some random ass plansFather Tyler is still moping aroundThe Red ueen s pissed off That fucking Kelsea Why does she keep eluding my grasp And by grasp the Red ueen means her minion s grasps since the Red ueen is just too important to do anything about hunting Kelsea herself Magic pfft Ugh whatever Let s get ourselves a 7 year old little boy and BLEEP him in the BLEEP BLEEP That is so not legalJavel s still talking somehowKelsea s still talking to people It sure would be nice if she were pretty But really Kelsea doesn t have time to think about that right now There are important things at hand Like insulting a woman in front of the Royal CourtFuck they re traveling AGAINThe end765 Mother Fucking PagesThe Setting IT DOESN T MAKE ANY MOTHERFUCKING SENSE I started this book thinking it was a medieval fantasy It wasn t It has an old world feel It s not Women are in long dresses We are riding horses We re using hawks to hunt There are kings and ueens and magic and castles What you you mean it s not in the past What do you mean it s not a fantasyTHIS IS THE FUTURE THIS IS A DYSTOPIA WE USED TO BE THE UNITED STATES AND EUROPE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHAT HAPPENEDI seriously do not fucking understand this setting First off it is fucking lazy because the retelling of the history is told by mouth AS A STORY Once upon a time there was a kingdom called the Tearling It was founded by a man named William Tear a utopian who dreamed of a land of plenty for all But ironically the Tearling was a kingdom of scarce resources for the British and Americans had not been fortunate in their choice of landing place British American This is the motherfucking future people How the fuck did we get here And importantly WHERE ARE WEWhy are all technologies lost We supposedly got to this place in an event called The Crossing Where is this place Are we even on Earth Why are there so few survivors This land is called New Europe We have a town called New London Did it actually pop up out of the ocean Why was the old world destroyed Why did we have to seek refuge in New Europe Are we so fucking inconsistent that in all the hundreds of fucking years in which we ve settled here that we have lost all the motherfucking techologies of today s time in the future So much that we don t even have the technology for motherfucking PRINTING PRESSES We have geneticists But we don t have the technology to buy booksAnd why are books rare Because we motherfucking burned them for fuel when we got here Despite the motherfucking forests of oaks that surrounds this new land they fucking burned BOOKS for fuel That was what had happened to most of the books that originally came over in the British American Crossing the desperate had burned them for fuel or warmth There are no doctors There are like 2 doctors in the whole of fucking New London New civilizations have come up with technology they ve been so much innovative than this The Medieval Ages were advanced than the Tearling because they don t know how to fucking make gunpowder or cannonsSeriously You expect us to retain absolutely fucking NOTHING of the knowledge that we have gained for all these years Did you choose the motherfucking dumbest pieces of shits to carry over to the New World Why didn t you choose important people like scientists botanists doctors instead of a bunch of fucking feeblewitted morons who don t know how to carry over fucking technology from the old world when you crossed over to the new Who fucking BURN BOOKS FOR FUEL DESPITE BEING SURROUNDED BY TREESFucking dystopian failThe Writing Not since Charles Dickens have I read such verbosity There is a reason why this book is so long It is packed to the brim with the most long winded irrelevant description of every fucking thing in the worldIntrospection Sure This book has it aplenty Let s describe every single fucking thought that Kelsea has ever fucking had in her head Kelsea thinks A lot Some relevant things Mostly very very very idiotic things that make no fucking different whether they were omitted or not Red hair was a recessive gene and in the three centuries since the Crossing it had bred slowly and steadily out of the population Carlin had told Kelsea that some women and even some men liked to dye their hair red since the rare commodity was always valuable But after about an hour of sneaking looks at the guard Kelsea became certain that she was looking at a true head of red hair No dye was that good Her dreams Kelsea thinks about them Her opinions about the men Sure let s have it Kelsea s insecurity Sure let s have several fucking paragraphs on it Man her food just tastes fucking terrible tonight Let s describe her thoughts on the venison in excruciating detail Dinner was venison stringy and only barely edible after roasting over the fire The deer must have been very old Kelsea had seen only a few birds and suirrels on their ride through the Reddick though the greenery was very lush there could be no lack of water Kelsea wanted to ask the men about the lack of animals but she worried that it would be taken as a complaint about the meal Man it s a motherfucking long journey After all the traveling alone takes about 30% of the book LET S JUST DESCRIBE EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DETAIL ON IT The houses are built with bricks LET S DESCRIBE THE FUCKING BRICKS IN DETAIL To the east Kelsea spotted what must be the house of a noble a high tower made of red brick Real brick Tearling brick was a notoriously poor building material compared to Mortmesne s which was made with better mortar and commanded at least a pound per kilo Carlin had an oven made of real bricks built for her by Barty and Kelsea had wondered than once whether Barty had bought the bricks off the black market from Mortmesne DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS We are fucking drowning in details The clothes of the noblemen Let s decribe them One of the ladies wear a hat in the shape of a fish Let s mention that And while we re at it let s make fun of her for it WILL IT EVER STOPThe Guards Not since Monty Python and the Holy Grail have there ever been such irreverent incompetent fucking royal guards They are the most fucking pathetic examples of soldiers I have ever fucking encountered This is Kelsea She is one of the last of her royal line Her life is priceless She is supposed to be guarded by 9 men 9 men who are motherfucking blundering assholes because they cannot do anything rightWhile they are traveling the men get drunk and sing bawdy songs instead of securing her guard They are completely fucking shocked that later on in the journey they are capturedWhile they are traveling they are caught AGAIN off their guard Kelsea is forced to flee for her lifeAt the castle while they are supposed to be watching her back Kelsea gets stabbed in the back a bolt of pain arrowed all the way down to her toesStabbed she thought dazed Mace didn t cover my back after all Later on in the bath Kelsea gets cornered by an assassin She s almost fucking killed againWHERE ARE THE FUCKING NITWITS GUARDING HERGuards Guards They are supposed to be subservient They are supposed to be respectful They are supposed to be odebient They are not supposed to talk back to her Oh sure they SAY they re not going to talk back to her He stared at her without expression I say nothing Lady That s why I m a ueen s Guard But words mean fucking nothing Because whatever Mace real name Lazarus head of Kelsea s guard is it s not fucking subservient He talks down to her as if she were an incompetent little girl well she is but she is still the fucking ueen He talks back to her He disagrees with her When she s gravely injured Mace nudges her by poking at her with his foot Is this the behavior of a guard towards his ueen I don t think so Mace s boot landed in the small of her back and Kelsea bit her tongue against a scream Kelsea Incompetent nitwit A heroine who is so astoundingly stupid and unprepared by her fucking mentors that she is unworthy of governing anything but a toy kingdom made of LegosI hope Kelsea steps on the pieces I hope they hurt badly I hope our aspiring ueen is in pain for the torment and the headache and the hangover I experienced while reading this book about one of the most insipid heroine to ever litter the precious pages of a bookShe constantly complains about how plain she is But her face was as round and ruddy as a tomato and there was no other word for it plain She has the most fucking idiotic thoughts about everything and everything No subject is too minor for her notice The rug Oh it s probably made of deer hide Spare meShe is not a fucking ueen Her guardians are incompetent because she has been so completely fucking sheltered from the world that she doesn t understand anything but she still knows things Somehow She has never seen alcohol yet she knows what alcohol smells like She knows what alcoholism looks like when she sees it in a man And she revels in being drunk cause it s just like in a book y all Kelsea woke with an aching head and a parched mouth but it wasn t until breakfast that she realized it was her first hangover Despite the discomfort she was charmed to experience something that she d only read about in a book An upset stomach was a small price to pay for fiction made real She cares SO MUCH for the fate of her people Kelsea is so incredibly hurt that her people are being sent as slaves to Mortmesne 250 a month that she is willing to renege on the treaty between their countries Within hours of her arrival to the capital Kelsea makes a heroic gesture that completely endangers the peace of two nations She stops the shipment of slaves She was warned She didn t listen She risks the lives of the entire nation for the sake of a few Lady the Mort Treaty is specific There is no appeals process no outside arbiter If a single shipment fails to arrive in Demesne on time the Mort ueen has the right to invade this country and wreak terror I lived through the last Mort invasion Lady and I assure you Mhurn wasn t exaggerating the carnage Before you take action consider the conseuences Despite being plain Kelsea is terribly judgmental of looks She criticizes an old ugly woman for daring to look beautiful She is envious of another woman s beauty despite the fact that that woman s beauty got her rapedKelsea complains a lot about the extravagances at court The pointless waste of money So much that she is willing to waste her valuable men s time and her own resources into traveling 2 weeks to get her books from her old home And right away It must be done right awayThe Fetch A criminal The projected love interest A Robin Hood Not uite You see Robin Hood steals from the rich and actually DISTRIBUTES it to the poor The Fetch Nah Well he s a hero to the common people Lady Every piece of rich man s fortune lost endears him to the poor Does he distribute the money to the poor No Lady So um Exactly HOW is he the hero of the common peopleNaturally she should turn him in Kelsea is the ueen she should set an example to her people Put criminals where they belongOr not Kelsea took a deep breath I wouldn t betray him for any number of pounds Ah Christ Emma Emma Watson I heard that you have signed up for this project I adore you You are brilliant You are gorgeous You are a goddess and you have won my heart ever since you stepped onto the screens of Harry Potter with your disapproving frown and your frizzy hair far beautiful than Hermione Watson could ever be But I adored you then I love you now and I hope for your sake that the movie adaptation exceeds every aspect of the book because the book itself has almost no substance to offerI can t even hate this book because it tries so hard It is the euivalent of having your 6 year old niece draw a picture of you Sure you look like a motherfucking moose with butterfly wings for some fucking reason but hey it s an A for effort right uotes were taken from an uncorrected galley proof subject to change in the final edition

Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen

Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling review The ueen of the Tearling 107 Ipitate an act of immense daring throwing the entire kingdom into turmoil and unleashing the Red ueen's vengeance A cabal of enemies with an array of deadly weapons from crimson caped assassins to the darkest blood magic plots to destroy her But Kelsea is growing in strength and stealth her steely resolve earning her loyal allies including the ueen's Guard led by the enigmatic Lazarus and the intriguing outlaw known simply as the FetchKelsea's uest to save her kingdom and meet her destiny has only just begun Riddled with mysteries betrayals and treacherous battles Kelsea's journey is a trial by fire that will either forge a legend or destroy he. For the most part I enjoyed this story I think it was a solid start to this series but I do feel like it was missing something I m interested to see where this trilogy goes


10 thoughts on “(PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

  1. says: (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen What does that lady see when she looks in the mirror? Kelsea wondered How could a woman who looked so old still place so much importance on being attractive? Kelsea saw now that there was something far worse than being ugly being ugly and thinking you were beautiful Because how DARE anyone ugly have confidence in themselvesWhen I die I want inscribed on my gravestone She Read The ueen of the Tearling Call me unambitious

  2. says: Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling 45 stars Well clearly I'm going to be kicked out of the cool kids' club because I fucking loved this book A good reminder to always try things out for yourself to see what you thinkThe pacing and introspective heroine will likely be issues for some readers and I fully admit that I think this would have worked better as pure historical fantasy

  3. says: Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review

    Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Absolutely loved it

  4. says: Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling so good just wow i have no words to describe how awesome this book was

  5. says: (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen 199 today on Definitely one of the Top 10 of my 2014 favoritesWord of warning thoughI'm seeing tons of 1 star reviews Evidently this is one of those Love it or Hate It books I've pawed over the other reviews and I'm honestly not connecting with any of the other reviewers' problems with this oneI didn't think the heroine had low self esteemI didn't think parts of it were far fetched or full of plot holesI didn't think it resembled

  6. says: Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

    Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Really interesting plot but went a little slow for me Here's my full booktalk

  7. says: Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling For the most part I enjoyed this story I think it was a solid start to this series but I do feel like it was missing something I'm interested t

  8. says: (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen 28 Feb '14 blog | goodreads Disclaimer This is a review of an uncorrected Advanced Reader CopyLong rant ahead folks Don't say I didn't

  9. says: Erika Johansen Ä 7 review Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

    (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen This was super intense and super enjoyable

  10. says: (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen

    Read & Download The ueen of the Tearling (PDF/EPUB) [The ueen of the Tearling] Ö Erika Johansen Download à eBook, PDF or Kindle ePUB Ä Erika Johansen “You win your people or you lose your throne” FantasyAdventurePoliticsPlotsWarMagicOutlawsCorrupted priestsBetrayalAnd a youngp

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